Let’s get right to it.
1st date card: Ryan gets a one on one. What the heck is going on with your weird bed
head, dude?
Gratuitous muscle shot of the dudes by the pool…Emily comes
out to get Ryan. Their date is to unload
groceries at her house? Hahahaa! Sucks to be you, Ryan. No helicopters for you just yet…you get to
bake cookies instead. Not gonna lie, he
kinda looks annoyed. Crap…now I want
some cookies. Ryan doesn’t get to meet
little Rickie just yet (good call, Emily).
Emily then psychs out Ryan by saying next that they’re going to Chuck E.
Cheese where he’ll wrangle up a bunch of sugar hyped 6 year olds…I think he was
legitimately a bit terrified (who wouldn’t be though?). But she was just joking, b/c they’re going to
dinner instead. As they drive off, it
still feels a little awkward/forced.
Ryan looks a lot more comfortable on his date. Ryan, I seriously want to smooth your hair
back down. It’s driving me nuts. Emily is actually being pretty brutally
honest…she doesn’t want to be a prize to be won. This date just got deep.
2nd date card:
Group date! Alejandro, Nate,
Alessandro, Tony, Michael, John, Jef, Charlie, Kyle, Chris, Darren, Stevie and
Kalon. Kalon says he “embraces the stage”…are
we surprised?
Back to the Ryan date.
Emily says she’s a little afraid that Ryan might be “too perfect” like
Brad was, but she’s willing to take chances and gives him a rose. And then they go outside for Gloriana to play
them some music while they’re dancing on an elevated stage surrounded by a
bunch of Charlottonians taking pictures and videos of them. They say some cheesy stuff about not wanting
to be anywhere else in the world with anyone else, blah blah blah. Hokey Bachelorette junk.
Group date time! They’re
doing some kind of charity performance for her ex-fiance’s foundation or
something like that. Charlie seems to be
really freaked out by the idea of performance.
Hooray, the Muppets are there! J Who doesn’t love the Muppets? Tony is doing his best Kermit, which is kind
of creepy actually. He sounded more like
Miss Piggy. So a group of guys are doing
a dance, others are doing a song, and still others are doing stand-up comedy
(including Charlie). Charlie has some
SERIOUS stage fright…I’m guessing the old head injury has something to do with
it? So he goes to talk to Emily about
his fear…he explains he’s still having speech issues to work through after his
accident, so Emily lets him switch acts.
It’s go time! Folks
dance, it’s silly. Chris Harrison fills in for one of the two heckler
puppets. It’s pretty terrible. Kyle and “Wolf” try to make jokes (and it’s
pretty terrible). Miss Piggy has some of
the guys (Jef, Charlie, and Aaron) come up on stage for her “Miss Piggy Live”
talk show. Aaron has to make up some
dumb poem, Jef has to propose to Miss Piggy, and Charlie is intimidated by a
puppet. Charlie had to say how he’d
impress a girl, and he does a good job, despite his fear of a pig puppet. Rickie gets to come up and sing a song with
her mom and Kermit and Miss Piggy (Rainbow Connection, obviously). Then everyone comes out and sings the Rainbow
Connection for the big “finale.”
The “after party” consists of the guys vying for Emily’s
attention. Chris has some MAJOR
competitive drive…and Emily needs some eyes because she thinks Chris is SUPER
cute and I think he looks SUPER smarmy.
Emily is now crushing on Jef pretty hard. Is he really 27? Because he looks like he’s 12.
3rd date card: Another one on one…w/ Joe. Joe the dancing fool with brushed back wavy
hair. Dumb hair.
Back to the date…Stevie is dancing w/ Emily…now Kalon comes
in and cuts in. Kalon is a smooth talker
and he feels suuuuuper rehearsed. Then
Aaron comes and steals Emily away from Kalon.
Now Stevie and Kalon are having a little tension…Kalon tells Stevie “I
wouldn’t like me if I were you either, bro”…good grief. Jef gets the rose on the date…which is funny
because he was kind of stand-offish the whole time I thought. Apparently Emily likes the chase a little bit
too.
Second one on one date:
Joe gets to go to West Virginia w/ Emily, to the Greenbrier (resort type
thing?). Joe’s hair bothers me. Can you tell I have a hair issue? They take a little dip in the pool.
Tony and Doug tell the dudes back at the house that they
need to be careful and make sure they’re ready to be a step dad, b/c Emily’s
daughter is the most important thing to her (as they are the dads in the group,
they are in the know). Kalon then tells
Doug that he (Doug) has put being a dad on hold by coming on the show, to which
Doug immediately gets up in arms about.
While that was something Kalon definitely shouldn’t have said, I think
ANYTHING that the Houstonian d-bag says will be immediately attacked by the
group b/c he’s basically pissed everyone in the house off by just being his
d-baggy self.
Joe and Emily are going to a nice dinner, where Emily will
ask some more hard hitting questions. Joe
says on two different occasions, “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” Emily asks Joe where he sees himself in 5
years and in his rambling he says he’d be willing to start a life with Emily
wherever she wants to be, to which she asks “What does that mean?” (She’s making these guys think, I like
it). Ok, so now she has to tell Joe goodbye
b/c she doesn’t feel that spark (how can she when that mop is on his
head?). She gets all teary because she
has to reject him. Sorry Joe. Now she watches fireworks on the balcony alone. Boo hoo.
Cocktail party time!
Aaron is wearing his stupid fake glasses. Arie reveals that he dated a girl w/ two kids
and she acts like a school girl who’s nervous on her first date. Tony goes in to steal Emily away from Ryan
(who already has a rose), but Ryan gives Emily this letter that she has to read
aloud back to him while Tony is standing there, chilling, waiting for his
turn. Awwwkwaaaaaard. The letter was 7 pages long. How did she not fall asleep while reading
this letter? I hope his spelling and
grammar were decent b/c seven pages of that would be brutal. Now Tony’s going on about his son, playing
the kid card. He now feels like they
have a connection (yeah, that they both have kids). Kalon has her now and he’s explaining that he’s
an old soul or something like that. He
says he normally doesn’t make a connection with girls his age (so he’s someone
who likes cougars?) because they have different “interests.” All the guys basically reiterate that they
kind of hate Kalon.
Rose ceremony time! Kalon
(ugh), Arie, Michael, Nate,
Sean, Chris, Doug, Travis (who the heck is Travis??), Tony, John, Alessandro,
Charlie, Alejandro and last but not least, Stevie. Really?
Stevie? Oh well…Kyle and Aaron w/
the fake glasses are going home. Sorry
dudes. Better luck next time!
The end for this week!
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